The Bittersweet Between My Teeth

Hi! I really don’t have much to say…

I am actually blogging for the sake of blogging, you know, rambling for the sake of rambling. I actually posted the above video just to distract you from that fact. (Actually, it’s a pretty damn spiffy video, but still…)

See, this month is Nanowrimo, and I am really in absolutely no place to participate in Nanowrimo.

And so I thought, “hey! Instead, I’ll just try to post one blog entry for every day this month. That way, at least I’m writing something!”

But even that partially (partially!) backfired. Alas, here I am to distract you. Pay no attention to the fake plastic thumb of my left hand or my randomly shaped paragraphs with questionable sentence structures; just watch me make this fluffy lil’ scarf disappear, eh?

Actually, maybe forcing myself to blog like this is a good idea. See, I usually only attempt to blog when I feel I have a shit ton to blog about, and when that happens I never really get a chance to say all I actually initially wanted to say (and it’s all horribly disorganized as well… you know, my blog thoughts). I pretty much always lose steam midway through. So this way I get all the stupid, menial, minor shit out of the way so when I have something of worth to actually blog about, it won’t be diluted by so much tiresome thought!crap.

Yeah. That’s a good idea!

So. What should I say?

(Except that, quite possibly, I am also writing and rambling and shuffling my feet online here simply because I miss you, because I want to talk to you, but I haven’t been able to do such a thing and so here is an open letter on the web, from me to you. Cheesy cheesy cheesy cheeeeeeeese, fluffy rumble cuddle, dammit! >.<)

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So, ahem, I definitely had one of those “hey, you! With the FACE!” moments today.

See, I royally suck at remembering names, even though I often remember faces, voices, nervous ticks, other quirks, etc.. Other people always seem to remember me more than I do them, which makes me feel like a total self-asorbed douche. Really, I don’t know why I’m so rememberable to some people… I shouldn’t be. I may be a total goof but I can also be quite quiet and shy. :/

Wuh-hell I was leaving the Student Union building today when I heard someone call my name.

I turned around to face this girl whose name I couldn’t for the life of me think of. Not only that, but even her face only looked familiar in the vaguest possible sense, like I saw her in the background crowd in some dream I had ten years ago or something obscure like that. Awwww shit.

Cue awkward (but friendly) conversation.

I soon discovered that she was someone I had apparently talked to at some housewarming party apparently over a year and a half ago, and this party apparently involved at least one of my friends because this new and strange person mentioned a name: Lyndsay, a friend of mine who used to attend school at UNT. Then, mystery girl mentioned the name of another one of my friends from UNT: April. Ah, oh, so… okay…

After a few minutes, I kind of had an idea of who this strange mystery girl knew that I knew and how she might possibly know me and yet I still didn’t know her name (and I didn’t have the guts to ask) and I still couldn’t really, honestly recall the, uh, housewarming party she had mentioned.

Additionally, this mystery girl was familiar enough with me to invite me to Lyndsay’s graduation in a little over a month, as well as allow me to stay the night while sleeping on her and Lyndsay’s… couch? Oh wait, they’re housemates?!

…And cue douchey feeling.

…

So THAT happened…

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Ahem. So I’m currently reading The Woman in White. And you know what? I think Sarah Waters once read The Woman in White, too. Just saying.

Is there ANYONE else out there in the universe who understands what I’m implying here, what I’m talking about? ANYONE?!

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Oh, by the way: I am still poor, BUT I got an callback at a local organic / whole foods grocery store, as well as an interview at the nearest temp agency. Both are only a five minute walk away from my house!

I just recently finished the first season of Legend on the Seeker on Hulu. I don’t think I have a way of watching the second season right now so I am actually suffering from some stupid sense of anxiety, helplessness, and loss. This is actually part of the reason the internet’s boring me right now. :(

Also? I’ve been eating more, thanks to the soup kitchen. I am going to be getting my teeth in 8 days! And if I can somehow borrow money for a ticket or something, there’s also Harry Potter!

I’ll be moving soon, too! Good times! Good times!

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Here’s another video!

It’s the Music That We Choose

I went to my friend April’s birthday party last night.  It was a weird night.

I had lots and lots of booze but never really felt drunk, in spite of the fact that I’ve severely restricted my own usual drinking habits since about a week after Beach Trip (mostly because I refuse to spend what little money I have on something that’s not of immeadiate nutritional value) and should therefore be much more of a lightweight.  It might’ve been the combination of all that booze with lots and lots of sugar and other foods (FREE FOOD!), or maybe it was perhaps my pacing of such stuffs consumption, or the fact that I intentionally avoided everything beer.  I drank a lot overall but only had, maybe (rough estimate *wince*) about 1-3 shots/drinks  (a combo of tequila, rum, and wine) an hour.  I don’t know. 

I was giddy, yes, I found things hellishly funny, yes, I was more outgoing than what’s usual, yes, but I never lost any sense balance, my awareness of my surroundings, or my ability to make rational choices and NOT be a total douche.  It was a good kind of drinking, I guess… if there even IS such a thing.I had a good time.  :)

I mingled with all sorts of different people, even when the party split into two groups for a time… the way it always seems to do at April’s parties.  See, half of April’s friends are, like, fellows from the Denton queer community, and the other half’s a bunch of grad-plus students and English majors from the college.  So usually the party either splits into queer and not queer factions (most common), girl and guy factions, or (far more rarely) college-y and not college-y  factions. 

But I’m odd: I like all the factions.  I can be one of the queers, one of the litgeeks, one of the party crazies, OR even one of the guys when I want to (although at moments it was like “we’re doing guy things and why the frickin’ frack is there a girl in our midst?!”). 

And it tickles me to mingle in all of the areas/groups the way few of the others seem to do.  I like to fuck shit up, when it comes to social dynamics, at least when I’m in the mooooood (ahem, when I’ve had tequila).  I’m always socially awkward anyway, so it hardly matters to me (especially after tequila) except when I’m in my dark place (it’s genetic, sue me).
 

I had many one-on-one conversations, too, and each conversation was awesome in its own way…

I had a rambling and joking conversation with a girl named Erica that ended with us challenging each other to a future tequila drinking contest.  We then joked about how we should train for it the way our triathlon friends trained for the last triathlon.  Then we did mock lunges while pretending to drink lots of booze, and Jess came out of nowhere to take pictures of this.  xD  Hilarity.

I also had a lengthy conversation with one of the dudes about wine.  We wino-geeked for a good thirty mintues!

I then cuddled with an awesome mutt dog named Banjo.  He proved to everyone just how freakishly well trained he is (knows how to sit, lay down, come when whistled/called, etc.), and this even surprised his owner!

At some point, I bumped into Tess.  It was a surprise to me and I think to some of the others as well.  I remembered that Alexis, Tess and I seemed pretty close for a month or two about two years ago, but I really haven’t spent any time with Tess since.  I also forgot that I’ve never really known quite how to approach or regard her as well.   Not that I feel any ill will towards her, in fact I sometimes get the impression that we could be really close but… I don’t know.  Eventually we drank blackberry wine and somehow got onto the subject of astrology, at which point we totally went off the deep end!  We got carried away with this crazy deep conversation and with the sharing of teh feelings…

And she’s all like, “man, we need to talk like this more often!” 

And I’m like, “dude we totally had this exact same conversation two whole years ago!”
 

I forgot how intense Tess is and how conversations with her just seem to… I don’t know… seem to suck a person in like that.  But then she started shivering (we were in the backyard with a bunch of others) and she said she was going to grab her jacket.  She never came back out.  In fact, she left just as abruptly as she came.
 

I got carried away in other conversations and completely didn’t notice until some time later, but yeah.  I don’t even know.  xD 

 Just gotta take it in stride, I guess.

And then before Alexis and her new girl left, her new girl (Rachel) told me that I totally look like Gabrielle AND I think both her and Alexis told me I was a “cute rabbit.”  I don’t know why but that totally amused me.  xD

I also had several one-on-one conversations with Allison, April’s girlfriend.  We geeked out on some of the most random things imaginable, subjects I thought I was the ONLY one in the DFW area to even care about!  Examples include: Legend of the Seeker and the Kay Scarpetta series.  It was awesome and very encouraging conversation.

 
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  and

The last conversation I had with another person, one-on-one, was with one of the lit majors about the Korean War and veterans.  Random?  I know.

And then some philosophy majors and some marxists gathered around the campfire in the backyard in order to intellectually debate the inherent worth of marxism in the modern age.  It was perhaps one of most civil political debates I’ve heard in quite some time.  And even though the arguments sometimes degraded into the realm of circular reasoning, it was still very refreshing to listen to.  (Aaaaaaah college students.  xD)

Meanwhile, I was staring intently at the fire.  I was doing this because the positioning of the logs from where I was sitting totally looked like the Japanese symbol for fire.  This somehow blew my mind for a good ten minutes until some guy attempted to stoke the fire and fucked the whole thing up.  xD

Other topics of conversation for the night: comic con, douchey lit critics, queer films, poetry, and binders.

It was a weird night, but a good night.

And then someone dropped me off at home.  It was nearly 5am.  I slept like a corpse for almost 12 hours. 

 xD   The end.

 

(And I apologize if this is as grammatically incorrect as hell.  I’m kind of loopy at the moment and I don’t know why.  xD)

March On!

Went to the Gay Pride Parade today with my best friend, Liz.

Two things stand out above the chaos that was the day. Two highlights.

One, the upstairs rooms at Cosmic Cafe. Like magically traveling to another time, another place.

Two, the awesomenest hug ever, given to me by none other than April. The dancing, the hugging, the squeals of utter glee… yeah, I think it made my day.

Those two things, above everything else, make me grin like a silly lil’ goose.

And almost everything else was just meh. Meh and chaos.