*mad flail*

I’ve filled out apps for pretty much every place within walking distance I could find that would even GIVE me an app (many simply say, “sorry, not hiring and no apps to give”).

I’ve signed-up at temp agencies.

I’ve scoured online job-finding sites and applied to every position I think I could fill, and a few more besides.

I’ve explored plasma donation (but they continue to take their sweet time in signing-off my go-ahead form or whatever).

I’ve called a number of the jobs back while still trying to budget my minutes.  They all act like they didn’t just post online help wanted signs or something.  You know, “I have no idea what you’re talking about or why you’re even wasting your time.”

What the fuck else can I even do?!   GAAAAAAAH!

I just want a new, better-paying, more hours job.  I NEED MORE MONEY.  I’ll frikin’ rake leaves or dig up dirt or whatever I don’t even care.   Anything besides frikin’ prostitution, really (another broke dude at the temp agency today had the audacity to bring this up and say “damn” when I said no).  Yeah, tell me I’m an lazy ass, why don’t you?  When I CAN’T EVEN FIND ANYTHING TO BE A LAZY ASS AND TURN DOWN ABOUT.

*flail*

I Gotta Feeling…

I’m still in a sour mood.

Yes, I know this is my fault.  Yes, I know I need to be doing things to fix it. 

Because, usually I am the one telling other people such. 

But, you see I’m DOING things to fix it.  It’s not like it’s gonna be handed to me on a silver platter.  So don’t say such shit to me or I’ll just ignore the fuck out of you.  Actually, I’m probably going to be doing that anyway.  I’m in hermit mode right now, which means there’s only one of two people I’d be perfectly okay with talking to right now, and neither of them live nearby so the rest of you just SOD OFF.  I’m going to be stupidly angsty right now and I want to be left alone anyway.  Nothing you could so or say could help me or make me feel better.

I think I might just stay in this mood until after the holiday season…

Anywho…

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Today?  I cleaned and rearranged furniture.  :)

See, Angela has already moved out… waaaaaay early.  She likely used the whole near crises of last week as an excuse to panic and abruptly ship out like it’s the end of the world or something.  Maybe she had been wanting to move and just needed an excuse, don’t know.  She left her check and whatnot for the final month, but for all other purposes she really does not live at the house anymore.  I get it.  We all suck as housemates, each in our own way.  She was ready to move on.  I am, too.

Actually, I’m happy now because now I don’t have to deal with her mess (or her choice of company at her choice of time) and ESPECIALLY fail!dog Waffle’s messes (well, except all the pee stains on the carpet in places).   Granted, she took the envelopes (ALL of them, even though I’m pretty damn sure I bought one of those boxes) kind of left with this royal “fuck it” attitude, but still…

 This is a fact I was slow to realize, but today? I realized it.  In a slow, creeping smile kind of way.

Well, I was free this afternoon, so I took a lot of her remaining junk around the house, some big stuff to be thrown out, and some other miscellaneous junk and put it in her mostly empty bedroom.   Taa-daa!  That bedroom is now my official storage room. 

Also…

I put away her blender and other appliances left out in the kitchen that no one’s going to use now that she’s gone.  I cleaned the kitchen halfway (to be completed when I get home tonight), swept debris off the carpets, did a buttload of dishes, rearranged the living room to make use of more space, cleaned out the litter box (my sole responsibility anyway, to be fair),  and so on.  I just need to work on finishing the kitchen and my room these next few nights, and if I get extra spending money the next few days I’ll be buy laundry detergent to do all of the blankets and loveseat covers and whatnot, and the house will be pretty damn spiffy.

After all that, the plan is to keep the house spiffy while also working through the extra miscellaneous junk to see what’s a keeper and what’s not.  I plan to live a much more spartan lifestyle for awhile, aside from art and books, of course (and maybe pillows).  So I want to get some things packed already, and work gradually on packing up.  So, when move time comes around during Christmas week,  I’ll already be pretty damn organized and ready to go.  :)

That said, now that I’m the sole keeper of this house (dog pee carpet and complete lack of dishwasher aside), I’m actually enjoying being at my house again.  For the longest time, only Mana made coming back to the house worthwhile, but now that I’m totally in charge,I almost love it!  It sucks that I’ll have to give this solitary life up for a few months, but I guess I’m lucky to at least get a taste of what I have to look forward to late spring.

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By the way, the plan is this:

1.) Stay in the Locust House until Christmas week.

2.) Quit Jack ‘n’ the Box and move in to Canterbury House (mother and stepfather’s hosue) during Christmas week.  Thoroughly enjoy joblessness and complete temporary lack of the need for personal responsibility and the holidays for the following week WHILE polishing off the move out of Locust House (including cleaning and whatnot). 

3.) Apply for local jobs near Canterbury House OR within decent driving distance (set start date until end of January).  Granted, this is going to be an awkward job hunting time because of the end of the temp season, but we’ll see what turns up.

4.) Use savings, $ ma owes me, and extra loan money for school to buy a decent junker mid to late January.  In other words, BUY A FRIKIN’ CAR.

5.) Start school and, if haven’t started yet (let’s hope not!), start job(s).

6.) Take a month or two of just working and going to school, saving up for the move back out (enough to cover deposits, startup house gear, and so on).

7.) Find a decent place as close to TWU as possible (to minimize use of gas AND the stress of campus parking), preferably either an efficiency or a one bedroom (granted, I don’t really own enough furniture for a one bedroom).  MOVE OUT, preferably by the summer.  TOTAL INDEPENDENCE SUCCESS!  \o/

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Now, as for Harry frikin’ Potter……?  :D

Monday and Wednesday nights are STUDENT NIGHTS at the Movie Tavern.  THAT is DOABLE!  :D

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OTHER MISCELLANEOUS THOUGHTS/NEWS:

-I downloaded this free game app for my iPod called Minigore and it’s freakishly addictive! Basically you’re this little muppet-esque dude mowing all these muppet monsters down with machine guns, shotguns, grenades, and power modes. If you don’t kill the muppet monsters, they eat you! Yeah, I know senseless killing isn’t usually my thing, but this one is AWESOME. I mean, other than that, all I have are the usual puzzle games, a billiards app and Rocketbird.
-I baked (after thawing, mind you) an old peice of frozen chicken I found last night and it was DELICIOUS.
-I got my teeth!
-That is all.

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Baby That’s Why I’m Here

At home now, cuddling with my cat. 

She is by far the cuddliest cat I’ve ever had.  For the most part, I’m not complaining.  It’s nice having this pleasant, warm, furry little friend around that absolutely delights in my company and warmth.  I love having the company and warmth, too, you know, a living and receptive presence in an otherwise empty home.  And purring is never not pleasant.  :)  She sometimes gets in the way when I’m trying to get things done, but otherwise it’s quite alright.

My mother had a proposition for me on the drive home this evening.  See, I currently lack any financial stability, mostly because I don’t have a car.  Getting a car, however, requires greater financial stability.  So I’ve kind of been in a lose-lose situation all around.   As one guy at the soup kitchen put it last week: “once you get too deep in the hole, there’s really no digging yourself out… not without a miracle.”

Well, one asset I guess I kind of sort of DO have that I’ve haven’t been taking advantage of: family.

Instead of moving into my own place right away when my lease expires in a month and a half, my mother suggested that I temporarily move back home instead.    Her reasoning is this:  instead of worrying about rent and bills, I could instead use my monthly funds, along with the extra finaid (taking out extra for the semester instead of just what I need), towards the purchase of a new car.  BAM.  One of problems solved before February.  THEN I could stay at home for part of or the rest of the Spring semester and save up towards not just moving out into my own place, but moving into my own place with enough of a financial cushion to not have to depend on anyone else ever again.

The downside to what my mother’s proposing: moving back home, of course.  That’s exactly the opposite of what I want.  Plus, I really, really, REALLY don’t want to be under the same roof as my brother ever again.  He is a vile creature with almost no redeeming qualities.  And my mother tends to keep everyone living with her on quite a tight leash.  :/

But maybe I sacrifice for a little while in order to better ensure what I want?  After all, this is perhaps the most plausabile method I can think of to get a car in the near future, aside from winning the lottery.

So maybe I sacrifice a little?  Put off my silly little dream for just a little while longer?  After all, my social life is already dying, so what do I have to lose?  For one semester I take the minimum number of classes, work sixty hours a week, only come home to clean or sleep, and just… not see people.  I stop sacrificing time and money and going out of my way to see people, for awhile, for the first significant length of time since 2006.  Then, in the summer when I’d usually be barely getting by and seeing no one, I move into a rad one bedroom I could totally afford by that time and host an awesome housewarming party, seeing all of my favorite people (aside from the dearest ones, in College Station and France :/).  As I am right now, I’m just a burden for everyone at best.   :/

They’ll be there when I come back…

So if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to try my darndest to get up bright and early tomorrow and get things done.  I need to get so, so much done…

I Was in the Darkness, Too

Going back home tonight, feeling disappointed because I can’t hang with my friends. Not that it’s anyone’s fault but mine, but it still bums me out. I guess I just need to stop worrying about friends and just worry about fixing up my own sorry life. They’ll probably still be there in a few months when everything’s better anyway.

Went to the mall today, and got to daydream about my new place again. There’s moments where that’s the only thing that matters.

And if you go chasing rabbits…

I am having a bad kind of nothing day.

Nothing is going according to plan today.  I have future difficulties I am not looking forward to.

Rain’s making it impossible to get things done tonight.

I have a headache, I have blood-loss, I’m poor and I’m ravenously hungry again.  I can’t even frikin’ write well.

I have work to do but I just want to yell at things.

Strangely, however, I still have a little voice in my head that’s telling me everything is going to be alright.

I still feel like plotting.

I will still likely get my teeth sometime in the next two weeks.

And the Rangers are still going to the World Series.

So I guess I’m going to take a moment to relax, and then I’ll go eat, run my errands, then come back up to the S.U. to settle in for a night of getting shit done.

Yeah.